The Real Reason You Are Rushing May Surprise You

Recently I wrote about the importance of slowing down. If you missed it you can read it here

Wouldn’t it be good to understand what caused you to do all this rushing around in the first place? If I asked you why all the rushing, you might say things like:

  • I have so much to do
  • I am overwhelmed
  • I have to rush to get everything done
  • I don’t have time to talk to you

But those answers only scratch the surface. When we look deeper, we almost always find the real issue is not setting boundaries effectively. Some possible ways this happens are:

  • Saying Yes to nearly everyone and everything
  • Being a people-pleaser
  • Trying to prove your self-worth by taking on more things
  • Poor time management

Today I will focus on the first one: Saying Yes to nearly everyone and everything. It often ties in to the second and third reasons.

When you say Yes to nearly everyone and everything, what do you get?

  • Stress
  • Overload
  • Inefficiency
  • Burnout

Bad things. So, why is it so difficult to say No?

Because No tests relationships. When you tell someone No, there are 3 possibilities, the relationship:

  • Stays the same
  • Becomes strained
  • Ends

Two of the three we don’t want. But by saying No more effectively, you increase the chances that the relationship will come out unscathed.

A key to a happy life is knowing when to say No and how to do it effectively

When someone asks you to do something, there are 2 common traps:

  • Seeing Yes and No as the only possible responses
  • Feeling the need to answer immediately

Ironic, isn’t it? If you rush into giving a Yes, then that Yes creates more rushing. Instead, slow down the conversation by saying something like:

  • I would like to help, but not sure it will fit my schedule. When do you need to know by?
  • How much of my time do you estimate it will take?
  • I am unsure if I can help, is there someone else you can ask?
  • Maybe. Can I let you know tomorrow?

I am sure there are many other possible replies, but you get the idea. What have you found helpful in saying No more effectively?

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Comment by Bob Wilson on December 14, 2016 at 9:38pm

You're welcome, Jeff and thank you.  Glad you had the insight to come up with that realization. I had a simliar experience.  You're exactly right - such a blessing to be centered through caring for yourself.  Thanks again...

Comment by Bob Wilson on December 14, 2016 at 9:35pm

Thanks Jen! You've got that right - the more you say no, the more you have room for the bigger yes's.  It sounds strange, but more no's spell more opportunities.  Great point - the impact it has on others. Most people will respect a well-considered no - and it models the behavior for them to use in their own life. Thanks again.

Comment by Jeff David on December 14, 2016 at 12:02pm

Thanks Bob, I loved your previous post. I recognize my sin of trying to be everything to everyone all the time came from a low belief in myself. I thought that me doing something for them would give me the validation I craved.

It wasn't until I recognized and worked on this that I began to come out of that fog. The one person I had been neglecting was me.

What a blessing to feel centered because of taking care of yourself.

Group Leader
Comment by Jen McDonough "The Iron Jen" on December 14, 2016 at 7:37am

Also will add that when possible, like to offer up solutions for them to tap into another contact or resource I may be connected with that may be helpful. 

Group Leader
Comment by Jen McDonough "The Iron Jen" on December 14, 2016 at 7:37am

GREAT post Bob! I find that the more I say no, the more it opens me up to really focusing on the big "yes" opportunities that will really be not only a great fit for my efforts, but also creates a huge impact on others. Typically I will say thank you, however my plate is full right now and I am need to say no in order to stay focused. 

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