“I told her that I still take medication, and every morning I take that little pill with a prayer of thanksgiving that God made a way for those of us who suffer like this on such a broken planet. And, I told her that in the darkest moment of my life, I discovered that God lives very close to the floor, very near to those who are broken.” Sheila Walsh, God Loves Broken People
While hanging in the abyss of time in a hospital NICU watching Isaac heal I have had the time to finish a few books I have been in the middle of. The quote above is from God Loves Broken People: And Those Who Pretend They’re Not by Sheila Walsh. This book is a great read and has been perfect for the life we have right now…broken and hurting but trusting and having hope for an abundant life to come for Isaac. There are many, including us, who are living close to the floor in prayer, right where God meets us.We sit with him, touch him when we can, we beg God to fix him, make him whole and healthy and strong enough to come home. We already love him more than any words can speak. I have to pry Theresa away from that isolette, his little cocoon that has been all the life he has ever seen in his short life, each night to get the needed rest she needs. Afterall, she has had major surgery too.
I am being broken in ways too. It has nothing to do with healing, pumps, hoses, ventilators or with this hospital at all. I am struggling with surrendering and allowing people so serve us. Guys just don’t handle that well. I am the one who serves people, our family is the one who hangs around long after an event and picks up the pieces, resets the platform when everyone else has gone home. We are the ones who serve, fix things, talk to other parents who are struggling with the news of a not-so-perfect child. We are the ones who are creating the “manual” on how to effectively clean poo from a ceiling fan. We ( mainly “I”) have a hard time being served…Okay, I said it. “My name is Kevin and I have a hard time being served.”
While we are attending to Isaac, there are hosts of people who are arranging care for Sarah Anne and Matthew, helping with fundraising to help send Hannah to Mozambique, Africa and Megan to Marvel, Arkansas on missions trips this summer, people who are planning and plotting to enter our home and finish my painting project and tackle the huge mommy-is-nesting list that I still had 6 weeks to complete, until last Sunday changed our lives and “our” plan. My family is in shock (I think I even heard a gasp) that I am going to allow someone else to paint in our living room.
Another quote from Shiela’s book…more words I needed to hear today:
What if the brokeness we ask god to fix is in fact a gift? What if the wounds we beg god to heal, the burdens we plead with him to remove, are the very things that make us fit for his service? Can our brokeness be a blessing?
I, and the rest of the Troupe’s can answer that question. We are living proof and can testify that brokeness can be a blessing. I am learning, actually just starting to learn how to let go and allow people to serve. I was told a few times this week that if do not allow people to serve us, I am denying them their blessing of using their gifts, talents and wealth. I would be a stumbling block and deny our church family the opportunity to be a family…families care for one another, meet each other’s needs.
Enough about me…here is the prayer list for Isaac as you enter your weekend: Praise for his ventilator being removed today, praise that the fluid in his chest is looking better on his x-rays. Pray for restful, healing sleep. Pray for his repairs to his esophagus to heal without leaks…the plan is to introduce some fluids in his newly created esophagus early next week, pending his progress over the weekend.
THANK YOU to all of you have been praying! There is no earthly way we could feel the peace that we do as we sit by Isaac’s side. There are literally people all over the world through your friends, our friends and the Facebook community of CHARGE Syndrome families who are praying this little guy out of this hospital.
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I would love to hear your comments about Lessons from Matthew as I am preparing my proposals for publishing!