How did your mother influence you to be the woman you are today?

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Permalink Reply by Carmen Wilkes on May 13, 2012 at 8:29pm

My Mom passed away last Sept (2012). My mom influenced me to love my children, the Lord and the mountains. She was an amazing woman of love and courage. Her Mom died when she was born and she was raised by her Grandmother. She had 8 children and only 5 of us survived. She stayed home with us and we didn't have much money. We were always wanted and I never felt like any of us were a burden. I have 4 children and she came to help with 3 of them when they were born. My mom was always the first one I called when I knew I was  pregnant. She never whined or complained.  She was always supportive of the things I did. She always loved me even when I did not do what she suggested. She was 88 and for the last 10 years I paid attention to her advice. She did not give it often but I learned to listen to her counsel carefully. I feel her presence with me daily, I am so blessed to have her as my mom.

Permalink Reply by Jen McDonough "The Iron Jen" on May 14, 2012 at 8:54pm

Lynne and Carmen,

So sorry to hear about your moms passing!

I love my mom so very, very much. She taught me by example how to be strong and courageous. I am extremely blessed to get to have her live with us for a little while. My family is enjoying every minute with her as she is healthy, vibrant, and joyful. I know she is anxious to get back to living on her own in a few weeks/months, however, I am just cherishing this special time in getting to have her so close.

She is a wise, wonderful, energetic (at 72, she takes my kids rollerskating still!), and awesome lady/mom.

Jen

Permalink Reply by Lynne Watts on May 15, 2012 at 5:39pm

What great stories you both have!  I always appreciated the many sacrifices my mom made for me as a single parent but it wasn't until I had children of my own that I truly understood the challenges of a mom.  Thanks for sharing. 

Permalink Reply by Kimberley Wiggins on May 16, 2012 at 8:20pm

Thanks for sharing your stories ladies, great stories.  My mother was a very tough lady and she taught me some really great values and ethics.  If it were not for her, I would not be the woman I am today.  I have been able to share the same values and ethics with my children and I am happy I had the example to share.

Permalink Reply by Kathy on May 16, 2012 at 9:27pm

My mom was always making sure everyone else had what they needed to live their best life.

She expected little but respect and love in return. The older I get the more I realize the sacrifices she made without complaint or disappointment. We had a great relationship. This Monday (May 21) will be 3 years since she passed away. I think her biggest influence was how much she believed in me even when I did not believe in myself. She was one of those ladies who was as strong or gentle as the situation asked her to be. I was truly blessed to be loved and cared for by a woman who taught me to dream big. She worked long before being a working mother was typical and yet never neglected any of her duties as a mother. I always respected and admired her for that. Great question, Lynne.

Permalink Reply by Lynne Watts on May 17, 2012 at 7:40pm

Thanks to everyone who has shared.  What great lessons we have learned from our moms!

Permalink Reply by Annie (Evadne) Smith on May 19, 2012 at 11:11am

My mother was physically abused by my alcoholic father and she constantly left him but would returned after he begged her to. Although I was not her favourite daughter because I looked like my father I was always the one leaving with her whenever she left him. I could not understand why she allowed me to....(maybe someone who understand human nature could explain). During this time she would fiercely protect me from harm.....she made sure we slept  together and she would not allow me much time with her extended family. She treated me differently during these times...almost lovingly.

I was 14 years old when she decided to permanently leave my father. Out of the 8 children, she took the 3 youngest.....myself and my younger sister and brother. My father provided haphazard support because he wanted her to return but she decided that she would not return to his physical abuse. She worked very hard at menial jobs to care for the 3 of us. Despite my father's  shortcomings, I loved him and wanted to help him but didn't know how to. One Friday evening I saw him on the road in a drunken state and was fearful that he would be hurt so I convinced him to go home with me.....thinking I would get in touch with my brothers and asked them to collect him. Things turned out badly as my mother was upset that I brought him home and my older brother (who was not living with us, but was visiting my mom) hit me and my father got in a rage.....he started punching my brother and then proceed to really "smash" up the place. Eventually, he calmed down and fell asleep. My mother left and  stayed with neighbours while the 3 of us slept in the house with him. The next morning, my mother told me that I was a wicked person and that I deliberately brought my father to hurt her and she did not want to see me again...she said I was to leave with him and forget that I had a mother. I cried so hard....I tried explaining and apologising but she just walked away.

When I went to wake my father I discovered that he was dead. He died in his sleep that night. His death made headlines in the Newspaper and I began to blame myself for all that had happened. Surprisingly, when family members would blame me for his death, my mother would defend me and said "leave her alone, she didn't cause it....the alcohol did." I went into deep depression.... and I say this, with tears in my eyes, that my mother was the one who brought me out. She would say....."stop the crying, you didn't cause your father's death....he was a grown educated man, he knew what he was doing to himself and his family" In addition, she  would constantly say this to me over and over again...."Don't you worry, I have forgiven you, I don't hold it against you, so forgive yourself." From that time, we were inseparable....even when I had my own family I would spend  Friday evenings with her. She would always cook a meal and we would eat together...oh how we both look forward to that time togather.

My mother died on September 4, 1990 after a long battle with breast cancer. I am pleased to say that she forgave my father and she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour. I spent so much time with her and I was constantly at her side during her illness.

My mother taught me the power of forgiveness. In retrospect, I see a strong woman, one who loved her children and would risk her own life to ensure they were taken care of. I see a courageous woman who was not afraid to take on "menial" tasks to support her children. I wish I could let her know how I feel, because I never told her.....so I felt compelled to write this today in honor of my mother, the best mother in the world...Iris Rosetta Palmer (May 24, 1914-September 4, 1990) Love you momma!

Permalink Reply by Lynne Watts on May 20, 2012 at 8:18pm

Annie--what an amazing story!  You are quite a survivor.  I would agree that forgiveness is definitely a theme for you.  I am in awe of your sharing such a personal journey.  Thank you.

Permalink Reply by Annie (Evadne) Smith on May 21, 2012 at 8:28am

Lynne - Thank you for reading my lengthy story. Yes Lynn, I am a survivor like my mom....she survived some vicious beatings from my dad and lived for over 76 years. I am always sharing my "story" in the hope that it will help someone to make peace with their past because their lives may literally depend on it.To get over my past I had to look at it  differently.....I had to "reframe" it. I had to understand the difference between guilt and shame.....and stop punishing myself with "if only's." Guilt is feeling bad about what had happened - I think it is healthy; shame is feeling bad about who I am..it is toxic and debilitating. Our past can either be an albatross around our necks, or the wind beneath our wings. I have accepted what happened but I refused to keep reliving it and I know that whatever has happened, is happening or will happen, God is in control. Blessings!