I've come and gone from here (48Days) a couple of times now as some of you may know. I work construction, run heavy equipment, cranes and drive truck. Do pretty much whatever needs to be done to get the job done. I am paid well for my efforts but, some days I wonder what more I could be doing to serve my fellow man.
I am recovering failure. By that I mean, I screwed up my life early on and had to overcome a lot to get where I am today. I made a ton of mistakes when I was in my teens and 20's that landed me in jail, ruined my credit, my reputation, put me in debt and set me on a dead end road to nowhere. It took more than 10 years to get my life back to zero in order to rebuild. I now have a really good life. I've had few ups and downs in the process of getting right that include a struggle with alcohol. As I write this I'm 4 months sober after my last relapse. 125 days to be exact. Last time I was here, I was on a mission to tell my story and help others. Somewhere in that process I began to miss my old life and slipped back into a few old habits. I started drinking heavy again, and fell back on some of my old ways. I unfriended many people that were trying to help me achieve my goals here.
I want to be able to tell my story and get back on track helping others through the telling of my story but I am hesitant after the last time. I feel like I messed up and don't have the right to step up again. Last time I was excited and energetic but now I feel a little embarrassed that I slipped and I not sure where to start again. In the long run I would love to speak, write and share my story and testimony with others that are looking for a way to restore & rebuild their own lives.
Any tips for starting over?
PS I do attend Celebrate Recovery meetings regularly and have a good support system through them.
Hi Christopher! Wow, I commend you on your transparency - really another way of saying it take guts to bare your soul!!! I'm sure others with more counseling experience could give advice but I would say aren't we all recovering from "something"? If all have sinned and come short of the glory of God then I think the answer is yes, we are recovering from turning in the wrong direction. The best place to start new is here and now!!! Be grateful for the chance to have a new beginning with each new day. I would definitely read through the gospels - there is so much to learn from Lord's way of dealing with those who approached Him with a contrite heart. The fact that you would share all this is a sign of humility and that my friend is a GIANT first step!!!
This community is amazing in its willingness to help, uplift, and cheer one another. Stick around - - - and keep posting, okay? I'm praying for you :-)
One last comment - Unfriend those who may lead you astray. It's your job to take care of your self first before you can heal others.
Christopher - I applaud your honesty in sharing this and I want to encourage you that there is no reason to feel embarrassed about this hiccup on your journey. Trust me we all have them - we just don't all talk about them as openly as you are. I think this gives you a powerful platform. People trust those who have been where they are and can really understand what they're up against. I think you will be able to do just that and I for one will be rooting for you!
Americans love stories about triumph over adversity. And even more than that, they love a good come back story. If you are familiar with Tony Robbins, you know he went from abusive family situation to wonderkind and national attention while still in his teens. Not everyone remembers that he basically trashed his company by the time he was 20 through self sabotage. He was out of his comfort zone as you have been lately. People will do stupid things to get back to where they are comfortable. I'm guessing you are past that now. As far as where to start, you can't start anywhere except where you are. Just start moving forward. It sounds like some fence mending and apologies might be in order along the way. But don't dwell on that because some of that may be tied to your old comfort zone. Some will forgive and be ready to go along for the new journey and others will not. The second group was probably more part of your past than your future anyway.
I would start writing and begin thinking about your "platform" . I can think of a few themes to play on;
- Once burned, twice learned
- to hell and back
- the second mouse gets the cheese
Let me know if you need help.
Christopher - you're not "starting over", you're continuing to keep moving - you're learning, failing, learning, failing. You have probably discovered your story is not as unique as perhaps you once thought.
CR is a great place to get/give support and it sounds like you have a great job -- just keep doing the right things. Get involved in a local church, excel at your job, and look for ways to minister to others. You're not starting over - you're just like the rest of us - daily seeking to honor God moment by moment.
Congrats on the sobriety!
I wouldn't call it a failure. It's part of your journey and story. We all struggle to stick with something. We all mess up. It's part of being human. No need to start over, just keep moving toward your dream.
And we'll all be here to cheer you on!
Christopher, I can assure you, you are in good company. I agree with Joanne, that your transparency is not only commendable but a true way to build a following. Perhaps,your original attempt was not timely, when it's the right time, that little haunting voice that tells you that you need to "do something" and " start to make a difference" becomes louder and louder and you will discover you won't miss your old life again.
I think your story could be a vital factor in reaching out to others looking to do the same, but besides just telling your story what do you really want to accomplish for others by it?
Everyone has a story tell. Sounds like you need to put the pieces together to determine where to move with it once it is told.
Please let me know if I can help you in any way and be encouraged that this group does not judge.